


Putting the F U in Funk

by MistyBeethoven



Category: Swedish Dicks (2016)
Genre: Bigotry & Prejudice, Canada, Country Music, Funk, Funk Music, Gen, Keanu Reeves - Freeform, New Orleans, Reverting to old ways, Taxis, The Parliaments, Trying To Be Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 05:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: On his way to New Orleans, Tex Johnson has a minor disagreement with his cab driver.
Kudos: 3





	Putting the F U in Funk

**Author's Note:**

> Having enjoyed Keanu Reeves performance as Tex Johnson in the very funny "Swedish Dicks," I was surprised that there were no Dicks Fics here at all. Wanting to fix that, I wrote this.
> 
> I hope you'll like it! :D <3

Tex Johnson climbed into the taxi cab after having given Ingmar the green card for Axel (Alfred the Murderer,) thinking to himself how easy it had been to actually hail a cab this time while he'd been wearing a cop suit. Or, at least, it had been when he had pulled the pistol out and aimed it at the next taxi buzzing by.

"The Airport," the fugitive assassin stated to the driver, a large and hulking man whom insisted on wearing a shirt five sizes too small.

Tex had made his decision to leave the city on a pilgramage to the city which had saved his life: New Orleans: the birth site of Funk. He had originally planned on visiting Canada, for some strange reason, but had abandoned the idea, finding the Country too "white." A point proven every winter.

As if someone up there wanted to let him know that he had chosen wisely, The Parliaments "Give Up the Funk," suddenly started to play on the radio. Tex Johnson smiled to himself in the back of the cab.

Smiled that is until the cab driver flipped the dial to a Country station where some woman was singing about how much she missed the man who used to beat her every night when he wasn't screwing every other woman in town.

Tex's smile faltered but he tried his best to keep it in place as he addressed the driver.

"Pardon me, sir, but would you mind changing that back to the other station?"

The hulking man only proceeded in turning the whining songstress up louder.

Leaning back in the seat, the escaping hitman recalled when he had fallen into the lowrider after Axel had shot him. He remembered how the sweet beat of the funk music had been the only thing that had made his own heart keep beating in return and had truly saved his life. Here, however, was a man whom, if he had been there, would have killed him with a Patsy Cline or a Garth Brooks song.

Suddenly Tex was back in the lowrider and he was dying again...this man was killing him; killing him by depriving him of his funky bass sustenance and feeding him steel guitar instead. The convict clenched his fists trying to contain his anger.

Johnson tried another attempt, widening his smile. "Sir, I am paying for this ride, after all, and I am planning to give you a generous tip," he tempted.

"Yeah. And it's my cab and I hate that type of nigger music," the driver rudely replied.

Outside of the taxi cab, a few pedestrians stopped in their places as they watched the yellow and black vehicle suddenly stop dead in its tracks also and as a large and hulking bald guy, in a shirt far too small for his tremendous girth, came bursting out of the windshield in a shattering of glass. A few seconds later, a tall and handsome bearded man emerged from the backseat. He lifted the man off of the hood of the cab, surprisingly easily since the man weighed twice as much as him, and tossed him on to the cold, hard pavement in front of the cab.

Raising his head and seeing all the eyes upon him, the bearded man gave a charming smile. "Sorry about this, you good people," he apologized. "The asshole wouldn't give up the funk."

With a polite nod, the killer climbed behind the wheel of the taxi, and driving over its previous driver, headed to the airport on his way to New Orleans.


End file.
